Blunder #1 – Discount your successes and achievements:
A friend once told me, “As soon as I reach my goal, it doesn’t count anymore,” so he ignored one of the major building blocks of confidence.
Remedy:
Acknowledge and count your small daily successes and give yourself credit. A legitimate pat on the back won’t give you a big head and it will build confidence.
Blunder #2 – Reinforce your flaws, inadequacies, and shortcomings with frequent declarations:
Keep telling yourself – and others - that:
- I can’t do that,
- I always make that mistake,
- I’m such an idiot and other put-downs.
- I’ll never…..
“Argue for your limits and they’re yours,” to quote author Richard Bach. And those limitations keep you stuck without the confidence to move forward.
Remedy: Either accept your inadequacies and be quiet or choose to develop the character trait or the skill you would like to have. If you can’t do something, get a teacher, read a book, hire a consultant. Learning always improves confidence.
Blunder #3 – Believe you have to be perfect or your achievements have to be perfect.
This is a confidence killer. Nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes. “Perfection” is only possible when a team works together to back each other up to catch the mistakes and rectify them.
Remedy:
Give yourself permission to make mistakes, learn from them and do better the next time. Even Phil Mickelson has his bad days on the golf course.
Blunder #4 – Ignore your body’s need for enough sleep.
Research clearly demonstrates that even a few days of sleep shortages cause the amygdala, a structure deep in your brain that regulates moods and emotions, to go into overdrive with fear and anxiety. Confidence vanishes as fatigue sets in.
Remedy:
Get off of Facebook, quit the video games, turn off the TV, and go to sleep. If you can’t turn off the TV, select a soothing station and set the timer for the TV to shut off automatically. Use a sleep app. Give your mind and body time to down-regulate from the stress of the day.
Blunder #5 - Never admit you are wrong and never apologize
People who do this are very small inside and feel very, very insecure. They are doomed to repeat their mistakes and fear doing so. What confidence can they possibly have?
Remedy:
Decide to be a “bigger” person, learn to take responsibility for your mistakes and learn to apologize. Responsibility is not blaming. It is the ability and the power to right the wrong. Paradoxically, your confidence in yourself will expand and your insecurity will diminish.
Confidence Tip: EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique is a very effective method for quickly changing mental patterns that sabotage your confidence.