Ruth, a client of mine, was very hesitant to work on developing more confidence. We had spent several sessions working on various family issues that were distressing and lingered in her psyche. Since those issues had been resolved, I suggested that it was time for her to move to the next level of having more self-confidence in both her personal and professional relationships.
Ruth was reluctant, so I asked her to explain what held her back. “I don’t want to be arrogant,” was her emphatic reply. Ruth had confused confidence with arrogance.
Ruth had been exposed to people who covered up their fears and insecurity with false confidence, so she was trapped in being timid and insecure in her relationships to avoid counterfeit confidence.
Spot counterfeit confidence with these 3 tips.
- Arrogance is not confidence – Arrogance is being egotistical and conceited and having an attitude of superiority. The arrogant person usually insists on being “right,” argues or won’t tolerate discussions or dissenting opinions. This kind of persons is commonly called a “jerk”.
- Bragging about achievements is not confidence – You have seen or heard someone boast about their extraordinary feats or remarkable triumphs in a way that is intended to make them superior to other people.
Braggarts often engage in “name dropping”. In this way, they try to enhance their own social standing by indicating they have some connection to another person with status or prestige, such as a celebrity or local authority.
Cataloging one’s accomplishment as a way of establishing credibility is not bragging. Detailing accomplishments is a way of backing up your claims that you can do the job.
- “Liquid courage” is not confidence – The so-called self-assurance that comes from drinking alcohol or smoking dope to medicate anxiety in a social situation is not really confidence. Drinking may allow the person to temporarily overcome nervousness and chat more easily at a cocktail party or a business mixer, but it is counterfeit confidence.
What is authentic confidence? The root of the word means trust. Your trust you physician, so you have confidence in him or her. You trust your car mechanic, so you have confidence in him or her.
Self-confidence is trusting your self to handle whatever you are facing. Being confident is trusting your skills, whether it is driving a car, chatting with a stranger at a party, doing your job, hitting the golf ball or barreling down a ski slope.
Don’t be guilty of counterfeit confidence. Do the genuine emotional work and acquire the necessary skills, so that your confidence is rock solid bona fide.
Confidence Tip: EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique, is a very effective method for quickly cultivating confidence.